last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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