he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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