Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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