I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize