I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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