Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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