a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
