I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
