Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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