and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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