I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
