The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
