non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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