Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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