So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
