That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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