I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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