He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
