I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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