We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize