I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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