i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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