a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bang-toberfest begins!!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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