You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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