did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
