Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
