Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
