last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize