i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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