I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
