my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
