just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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