Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
