she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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