Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize