his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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