She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She needs sedatives and a leash
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
