why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sext me about skeletons
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
