Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this hospital has no fireball
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
