I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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