Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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