38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize