My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize