It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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