i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize