no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
