Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
