i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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