how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
