Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
