if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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