We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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