he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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