the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
