gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
