Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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