I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
