Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How external is "for external use only"?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
