so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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