Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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