just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
