So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
