so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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