when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
