All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
