You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
