Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
