you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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