Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
