when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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