my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
