I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
