We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
