guys are not supposed to queef...right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
