I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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