the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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