I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
