tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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