next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
