RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize