i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
