I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So much rum. So many feels.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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