My liver just broke up with me...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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