Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
