Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
