Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
