During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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