this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
we should paint friendship bongs
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