8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
