so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
