why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
