I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
