A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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