Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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