Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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