if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The power of my boobs compel you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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