I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
