So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
