roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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