Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
